In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
