Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
