you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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