I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
