I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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