I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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