They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I want her autograph on my taint
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
