I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
