you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
