Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just found puke in my bra..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
