so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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