Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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