Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
