i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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