This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
