So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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