you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
