who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
