I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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