sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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