We won't sleep together?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
