i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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