the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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