puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
