Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
