I faked an abortion last night.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
