spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
