My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
