He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
