my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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