after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
