so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
