At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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