based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
