Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
