??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
