So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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