had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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