I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
