Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
