The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
