Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
