My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Randomize
