Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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