would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
