an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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