Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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