It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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