watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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