i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
