Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
