you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
