Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
