I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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